Does birth change us?

I am really lucky to be living with my wonderful mother for many reasons. One reason is because we've had the chance to sit around and talk about all sorts of issues and topics, including birth. She is my biggest cheerleader when it comes to my doulaing and I love that I can talk to her and tell her just about everything! She always listens, supports and gives me great feedback.

Birth has been an ongoing discussion of ours since I moved home in January 2009 and started working on learning everything I can about birth. One of the best things I've learned are the details of my own birth, and those of my sister and brothers. I feel so lucky to have heard all about my mom's experience because I think it is an important talk to have, one that many women do not have with their mothers.

So recently my mom and I were reflecting on our birth dicussions and realized how we most likely never would have had these in depth conversations if I hadn't become a doula and learned about birth the way that I have. This is when we realized: why don't we have these discussions more? Why is birth not talked about more amongst women??

Sex, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and mothering are all things we MUST discuss in order to feel comfortable with the fact that they are all an extremely important part of human nature. We cannot deny that our experiences during sex, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and mothering change us as women.

My mom has pointed out that these intense discussions have also made her realize how much her pregnancies and births changed her as a woman and person. She said that after she had my sister (her first baby), a friend came up to her and said "something about you has changed since you had a baby..." and now she knows more specifically what that change was. She has explained how empowering pregnancy and childbirth were for her. She was ready to be a mother when she got pregnant and therefore accepted her pregnancy as a blessing from a higher power. She cherished her growing fetus and even kept a detailed journal of the entire pregnancy. My mom said that she didn't even need to do research or much thinking to decide that she wanted a natural, un-medicated birth. "Why wouldn't I want to do it naturally?" is how is she explains her thinking. I am fascintated by her strength. She had a wonderful pregnancy, birth and experience breastfeeding. That was the beginning of her new life as a mother. It's beautiful! She, a 25 year old woman, could find her natural mothering instincts and make the best of them. I feel blessed to have a mother who has cared to share her experiences with me. Hearing her stories give me strength and hope that we can all take advantage of the extraordinary gift we are given - to give life!

If you can, talk to your mother about her experiences as a woman. If you can't, talk to other women.