29 weeks

Lots of excitement over the past few weeks..... Braxton Hicks turned painful plus a shortening cervix landed me in the hospital two times in two weeks. Luckily I got away with IV fluids and a couple steroid shots to encourage babies to grow quickly in case they come early.

I am trying to "slow down" but don't even feel like I'm pushing it too much with Don's mom here helping so much. At this point we are just hoping the babies stay put for another 6 weeks. It feels like they are growing very fast, my back is screaming and my body aches. The only time I'm comfortable is in the pool or in bed.

The babies' room is finally done, and we are soaking up all the time we can with Maggie before our lives are taken over by these two bundles. I am getting so excited to meet them and snuggle and counting our blessings that these babies are still baking safely inside.

Half way point

Hard to believe we are at the half way point already. But also hard to imagine how much more uncomfortable/larger/tired I will become as the pregnancy progresses. Although the nausea has almost completely left, my body aches as I carry around these babies which are only the size of a zucchini, supposedly.

At this point during my last pregnancy, I had a lot of energy and felt great. This time its quite the opposite so chasing after a toddler/dealing with toddler tantrums has been difficult.

The best news I received was at our 19 week anatomy scan. The MFM MD said both babies look great. They didn't share a single concern with us, which was music to my ears and will help me plug on, knowing my body is working so hard to grow these babies.

What a blessing it is to have two tiny humans growing inside. I am excited that we only have 4 months left but don't want to wish away this incredible experience!

13 weeks - then and now

It's so hard not to compare how I feel in my body during this pregnancy to how I felt during my pregnancy with Maggie even though I know I shouldn't be. Pregnancy symptoms started at 5 weeks (looking back my symptoms with Maggie were nothing compared to this time), I starting showing much earlier, and I am already feeling baby flutters in my belly. Luckily my weight gain hasn't been bad, yet.

I loved being pregnant with Maggie, I felt beautiful and embraced the changes happening to my body. At 13 weeks, I am now beginning to feel those same feelings, and starting to embrace the idea of growing two babies. How lucky am I to have the chance to experience such a miracle? I'm definitely enjoying the opportunity to eat for 3 but trying to balance the enjoyment with my fear of gaining too much weight.

I found this old picture of pregnancy at 13 weeks with Maggie, and happened to be wearing the same shirt (this shirt is very comfy and stretchy). A fun comparison for me and explains why I feel so different.

11.5 weeks

Here we are at 11.5 weeks pregnant. The terrible first trimester symptoms are slowing down, thankfully. Now I only get nauseous when I go too long without eating (more than 2 hours), if I overeat, or if I eat something greasy (or any take out food).

Couple fun facts...

• We've been told these babies are fraternal (not identical)
• My belly is the same size at 11 weeks as it was at 16 weeks with Maggie
• Their estimated due date is August 19th but we are told to be ready early, because most twins come early
• There is a 50% chance we will have 1 boy and 1 girl (no, we are not finding out in advance)
• I must deliver in the OR even though we are not planning on a C-Section
• Maggie likes the babies, for now

2nd Pregnancy. 1st Sonogram

When I found out early December that I was pregnant, I was elated. Although we had had a few false positives in the past, this time it felt different. The line was dark, and given that it was the night before I was expecting my period, I felt like that was a good sign.

A few days later, the exhaustion started to set in. Then the nausea. I couldn't believe it was happening already. I was complaining already to my friends "its too early for this!"

At 6.5 weeks I called my midwife, begging for an appointment. She agreed to see me right away. (Thanks Gaia!) I complained to her about how sick and exhausted I had been feeling. She showed me sympathy but told me it was a good thing, and probably meant the pregnancy was a healthy one. She agreed to write me a rx for an early sono, I knew seeing that heartbeat would make be feel a little better about it all.

At 7.5 weeks I went for the sonogram. I was so excited to see this baby and make sure everything was okay. I went to a Maternal Fetal Medicine center, where they insisted on doing a trans-vaginal sonogram since "I was soo early".

Within 2 seconds of the sonogram, I saw them. Two black sacks. I shouted "IS THAT TWINS???"
The sono tech gave me a look, which made me second guess myself. But no, I was right. Within 5 minutes of the sonogram, I was looking at two babies, two heart beats. I couldn't believe it.

The rest of the sonogram was a blur, I couldn't focus because I was in such shock.... and my mind was racing....We didn't plan for this!! How are we going to have 2 more babies?!? Don is going to flip out!!!

That evening was filled with emotions. Fright. Excitement. Fear. Happiness. Disbelief. Here we are 4 weeks later, and I am still feeling some of those same emotions. Most of them actually. But the idea of having 2 babies at once is slowly sinking in. As the nausea slowly creeps away, the excitement is creeping in.

After almost 9 months of mommy-hood, I am still often in disbelief that I AM REALLY DOING THIS. This beautiful, innocent, sweet baby is my flesh and blood. I was the one who carried and birthed this baby.

Very often I reflect on my birth experience and how empowering it was. I find myself hanging onto some VERY wise words my midwife uttered after I called her complaining of bleeding nipples 8 days postpartum. Her words were “You can do this, you are strong. When you are down try to remember you just gave birth naturally, you can do anything.” Her words have carried me through many tough days as a mom.

I was always told, and actually often told clients and friends, “Do what works for you, take snippets of advice from others but in the end do what works best for you and your family. ” After living it, I am realizing these words cold not be more true as parenthood is a very, very personal and intimate experience. The best kind.

Maggie's Birth Story: My Second Marathon

I've written a lot of birth stories, but this one is my own. It's my account of my experience of the marathon of a labor and birth of my baby girl, Margaret Eva.

Saturday, December 5th

The contractions, which had previously been just Braxton Hicks, seemed to be coming more regularly and getting more and more consistent. I got excited. Don and I were at a beautiful Puja ceremony which seemed like a perfect way to start my labor journey. But later that evening, things slowed down. That night, I snuggled up with Don and slept a solid 6 hours. Since I hadn't been sleeping well in the week leading up to this point, this solid stretch of sleep ended up being a life saver later on.

Sunday, December 6th

When I woke up Sunday morning, contractions started almost immediately. They were 3 minutes apart and I noticed quickly they felt different, stronger and they happened in more of a consistent pattern. I felt this was finally the real thing! Don and I ran a few errands, took Piney to the park, made birthday cupcakes for baby, and enjoyed early labor. We stayed in touch with our doula and midwife all day. We agreed to meet the midwife at 7pm at the hospital to check in and see what was happening. As we were leaving for the hospital, I felt I was leaving too soon, but didn't listen to my instincts. I let my curiosity get the best of me and off to the hospital we went.

I was 3 cm and 80% effaced when we arrived. Even though I knew this was probably our fate, I was disappointed. We thought we would just go home but unfortunately I had a high blood pressure reading and was medically advised to stay. We set up shop in the labor room. My mom came to join us. My best friend and her husband came to bring us some dinner and their love & encouragement which lifted our spirits up. Labor continued as we walked the hallways, used the birth ball for different positions and I continued to try to relax.

Monday, December 7th

Our doula came around 2am. We were happy to see her, knowing she could help support our efforts of getting things moving. Side note: My doula was someone who I took my doula training with in 2008. I ran into her a couple of years ago and after a brief chat, I told her that when I get pregnant, I'd love to have her as my doula. And here we were.

As we continued to labor through the night, the cx were getting stronger. At around 6:30am, the midwife checked me and announced I was still 3cm. After laboring for 24 hours, I was only 3cm. I thought HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!?! I completely lost it. I sobbed like a baby in Don's arms. So many self-doubting thoughts raced through my head: "My labor isn't progressing?!?!" "Why is this happening to me?" "Yes of course, this WOULD happen to me!" "Just give me a C-section because that's how these type of labors end!!" "Okay, just get a C-section and be fine with it"

After my necessary meltdown and much encouragement from my birth team, I was ready to just keep trucking on, to try to keep the labor going. But, by 3pm things seemed to be slowing down, and almost completely stopped. At this point, my doula and midwife pulled out all their tricks: nipple stimulation with the breast pump, acupuncture, even an enema which I completely resisted (it wasn't that bad). When the midwife checked me again at around 5pm, I was 5cm. Yay! It's working! She offered to break my water at that point too, which I was open to. When she broke my water, I felt SUCH relief from the constant feeling of extreme tightness I felt in my belly for the past month. Turns out I had a LOT of amniotic fluid in there.

After that, the contractions got way more intense and when the midwife checked me a few hours later, I was still 5cm! My body was messing with me. Come on! How?? I thought. The midwife suggested I labor in a specific position for a while, because there was something stopping my cervix from opening. So I labored in a modified hands and knees position for about an hour. Things were really picking up. She checked me at 9:30pm and low and behold, I was 6-7 cm! TUB TIME! Finally!! This came at the perfect time, I was starting to feel that soon I would be unable to cope if I couldn't get in the tub because the cx were so intense and I was utterly exhausted and sick of hearing discouraging cervical progress reports.

The team packed our bags and moved over to the birthing center. I couldn't get in that tub quick enough. When I got in, I immediately felt a sense of relief and relaxation although I am sure it didn't sound that way. I was moaning so loudly, like an animal in the wild. It was the only way I could cope and everyone in the room kept saying "good.." "that's it".

I started to push around 11:30pm, and I remember everyone saying "this baby is going to be born right on her due date!" which was the next day, December 8th.

Tuesday, December 8th

Pushing felt great. It felt right and gave me relief. I pushed for an hour before I was told that baby had too many heart rate decels, and that I needed to get out of the tub. At that point, I didn't care, I just wanted to meet my baby! I got in the bed right next to the tub and spent the next hour pushing her out with lots of encouragement (and NO COUNTING!) from my team. Her head was born with her little hand right next to it. The rest of her was born at 1:26am and she was placed directly on my chest. Sweet, sweet relief. The best. Everything I pictured - a perfect little baby at the end of the marathon. She was placed face down, so we couldn't see if she was a boy or girl. Frankly, neither Don nor I cared. We didn't even look at first. Finally after a few minutes, they flipped her over so Don could take a look. It took him a few seconds to announce it because he was in shock at what he didn't find (he was sure it was a boy the whole pregnancy). It was a girl! A beautiful, perfect daughter.

My mom sobbed happy tears, and Don and I just looked at each other in disbelief. Margaret Eva was here, we were elated. It was the most joyful moment of my life.

Maggie's birth taught me many things. Going in, I thought I had a great plan: trust my body, and it will all work out. Turns out that wasn't that far from the truth. But actually trusting my body was the hard part. Luckily I had the most amazing, supportive team at my side, to help me get through the hard parts when self doubt and fear crept in.

The lessons I learned from Maggie's birth continue to arise as I process different moments from the entire labor. It was truly an eye-opening experience in so many ways. I had witnessed 40 childbirths before my own. Each one helped me prepare but nothing could have prepared me fully. Birth is a unique experience each woman goes through each time she bears a child. My journey was what I needed and nothing more. It was perfectly imperfect and has made me appreciate the process of pregnancy and birth as a right of passage into motherhood more than I already had.

a must see

A beautiful, amazing video! I sobbed watching this.

One Woman Awake

One Woman Awake Awakens another the second awakens her next-door neighbor and three awake can rouse the town And turn the whole place up side down And many awake can raise such a fuss That is finally awakens the rest of us. One woman up, With dawn in her eyes multiplies -- author unknown

the best

repost:

Luvs' Breastfeeding Commercial

This is hysterical. I love the mom, she is so sincere looking.

Just had to.

One Woman Army

I love this song! It's fun and the lyrics are so sweet, about a mothers love:

"Never knew what I was signing up for,

Knew it was hard but not this hardcore,

Never gonna stop, never gonna give up on you."

Going beyond fear

Going beyond fear begins when we examine our fear: our anxiety, nervousness, concern, and restlessness. If we look into our fear, if we look beneath the veneer, the first thing we find is sadness, beneath the nervousness. Nervousness is cranking up, vibrating all the time. When we slow down, when we relax with our fear, we find sadness, which is calm and gentle. Sadness hits you in your heart, and your body produces a tear. Before you cry, there is a feeling in your chest and then, after that you produce tears in your eyes. You are about to produce rain or waterfall in your eyes and you feel sad and lonely and perhaps romantic at the same time. That is the first tip of fearlessness, and the first sign of real warriorship. You might think that, when you experience fearlessness, you will hear the opening of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony or see a great explosion in the sky, but it doesn’t happen that way. Discovering fearlessness comes from working the softness of the human heart.

~ Chogyam Trungpa

Happy Friday!

This is a happy story with a lot of lessons! Although she didn't plan a homebirth, this mom delivered her baby in her bathroom, calmly and without fear. Check it out!

How will I know my baby is getting enough to eat?

How will I know my baby is getting enough to eat?

-6 or more wet diapers a day by day 3

-4–8 ounces of weight gain a week after the first week

-3 or more stools a day by day 3

-Yellow stools by day 5

Mothers are often surprised to see how quickly their milk supply increases during the first 3–5 days after birth. What may seem like small amounts of milk at first turns out to be exactly what newborn babies need. Frequent feedings (8–12 times in each 24 hour period) ensures that each mother’s milk supply matches the needs of her growing baby.

The first days and weeks of your baby’s life will give you an opportunity to learn your baby’s feeding cues and feeding patterns, including signs that your baby is hungry or full. Should you see signs that your baby may not be getting enough to eat, contact your baby’s health care provider right away.

CREDIT: http://babygooroo.com/ Test Your Breastfeeding IQ: http://babygooroo.com/2012/10/test-your-breastfeeding-iq/